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Is it ok to check up on your ex?

When a relationship with a significant other ends, regardless of how long it lasted, it might seem hard not to reach out to them. You have an emotional attachment to this person. It makes sense that you’d want to see what they’re up to.

With the popularity of social media, it’s easy to check up on your ex. It might feel impossible not to. Sometimes it helps with closure. Most of the time, though, it’ll make you feel bad and could send you into a spiral and go down the “ex rabbit hole.”

It can be hard to know how to stop checking up on your ex. If your ex was in your life for a significant period of time, the loss of that person and relationship may be causing you to grieve and mourn that loss. Closure doesn’t happen for everyone, unfortunately. Checking up on your ex isn’t always the solution to getting the closure that you want.

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Why Checking Up On Your Ex Seems Irresistible

When you’re in a relationship with someone that is intimate and meaningful, it’s hard to let that go. You want to know what they’re up to. You want to know that they’re ok. You want to know if they miss you.

Is it ok to check on your ex? Sometimes, if it doesn’t cause harm to your mental health. We all want to know what our exes are up to.

  • Do they miss us?
  • Are they happy?
  • How quickly did they move on?
  • If they’re in a new relationship, what’s the person like?

In this age of social media, it’s nearly impossible to get away from your ex. It can also be irresistible to check up on them to see what their life is like without you. 

Here are some reasons why you might check up on your ex:

  • You’re not over the person yet.
  • You want to see what they’re up to.
  • You miss having someone to check in with.
  • You want to know what’s going on in their life.
  • You want to know if they’ve moved on and if so, what their new significant other looks like (you may also start following that person on social media, which is not a good idea).
  • You’re trying to make sense of the breakup.
  • You want to know if there’s a chance of getting back together.

Stop Checking Up On Your Ex On Social Media

Is it ok to check on your ex on social media? Only if it doesn’t cause you grief. Social media has made it difficult to get away from our exes.

The best thing you can do for your mental health and peace of mind is to unfriend, unfollow, and even block an ex if you find yourself incessantly checking up on them on social media.

Avoid following someone that might be in a new relationship with your ex, or that you suspect is in a relationship with them.

Maybe it’s time to deactivate your accounts for a little while to resist the temptation to check up on your ex. Fill your feed with people who empower you and aren’t connected to your ex. Clean out your friend list or the people you follow who are connected to your ex. If they reach out to you on social media, you can always ignore and/or block them.

Stop obsessing over posts and pictures. Resist the urge to send messages on Facebook or Instagram. Don’t search for TikTok videos or send them cute memes or gifs.

Check in with yourself. How do you actually feel when you check your ex’s social media? Remember, what people put on social media isn’t the whole story. You’re only seeing what they want the world to see. Maybe they’re thinking about you and want to show you that they’re doing fine or that they’re better off without you. They could be purposefully trying to hurt you by posting pictures of them having fun without you.
Mental Health and Facebook Stalking

Limit Your Exposure

You may need to change your routine to get away from your ex. Resist the urge to check up on them via texts, calls, social media, and going to the places you know they like to go.

Limiting your exposure to your ex goes along with staying away from your ex on social media. Maybe it’s time to delete their number from your phone. If you do keep their number, stop texting or calling, even if they’re responsive.

Try not to run into them if that’s possible. Don’t go to places you know they frequent with the hopes of running into them.

Grieving and Checking Up On Your Ex

It’s normal to grieve the loss of an important relationship. However, it can be detrimental, while you’re grieving, to check up on your ex because it can bring back all the negative emotions tied to the relationship and why it ended in the first place.

The temptation to check up on your ex is strong, especially when you want them back. Sometimes you need time and space away from your ex in order to heal and be able to move on.

The grieving process looks different for everyone. Checking up on your ex while you’re actively grieving the loss of that person might make you feel worse, especially if they’ve moved on. Give yourself time to mourn the loss of the relationship in a healthy way.

Is Staying Friends With Your Ex a Good Idea?

Some people can separate a romantic relationship from a friendship, but it may take time and space.

If you’re staying friends with your ex just to keep them around because you think they’ll come back, then it’s probably not a good idea to stay friends.

Your ex probably knows you really well. If you can move past the fact that you’re no longer romantically together, having your ex as a friend can be beneficial if you’re going through a hard time or even if you just want to talk to someone who knows you.

However, staying friends with your ex can be a bad idea if it negatively impacts your mental health. If you feel the need to check on your ex beyond just a casual friendship, it may not be a healthy decision to stay friends.

Some people think that men and women can’t be friends, especially if they were once romantically involved. You should check in with yourself to see why you want to be friends. Do you hope that you’ll get back together? Or do you genuinely like this person and want them in your life?
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Next Steps

If you want to discuss resources for how to handle breakups and managing the need to check up on your ex, we are here to help. Contact us for a free consultation today.

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